iamthewoman

I was looking at my parents arguing in the kitchen. It is happening again, I felt devastated, I did not want to listen to this, I did not want to be a part of this. I felt scared, frustrated, lonely, disappointed, confused and upset. This is how I met anger. Life happens and I moved out and started working. Every morning I came to work my co-workers would find something wrong with me. One day I was too fat, another day I wore the wrong dress, or my haircut was not good enough. I felt that I am the worst person in the world, nothing about me is right. I felt shame. Some days I hated them and some days I hated myself. I put effort to make it right and be up to their standards. In the end, I still felt small and not enough. I had a nice boyfriend, we were living together, everything was really serious, we cared deeply for each other, but something was missing and we split up. I was crying for two years, trying to come back, I felt attachment, grief, loneliness, desire, regret, no future and pain in my heart. Two years ago, my dad passed away and I felt anxious, lost, depressed, shaky and panicky. I could not be with him, I could not say good buy. I met grief. However, with grief, I met love. I felt a tremendous amount of love being released. I felt soft, compassionate and kind towards myself. I started to understand that our emotions have a message. Even when I was 6 or 7 I was very attracted to the topic of emotions. I knew some people can express them and some people can not. Some people can manage them and some people are all other the place with their emotions. Right there looking at my parent early in my life, I decided that I will learn how to be different, I will learn how to be peaceful and calm, I will learn how to hold myself and I will not hurt others in my life. Every emotion carries a gift. Every emotion is your way to a happier, healthier and wiser you.